The Mother Bear

At Ella's last doctors appointment, which was her four month check up, Ella weighed in at 17 pounds and was 26 inches long. She landed at the 95 percentile for both her height and her weight on the charts, and was off the charts for her head size. She is now in 9 month clothing (mostly because of her length) and keeps on growing like a weed! As happy as I am to find out she is growing and healthy, I've run in to some issues with her size.

Never have I seen my mother bear protective instincts come out like they have since I've been hearing all the time, "Wow, she's a big girl," or, "She's huge!" and my favorite, "How old is she's about 8 or 9 months?" I've been hearing it so much lately Im starting to get a little mad when I hear people mention her size. And last night, when someone told me my daughter was "huge" I felt like laying the smack down!

I wish I had the same attitude as my husband did, that is..."Who cares what people think?" but I don't, I care quite a lot about what people think, and now I'm worried that Ella will grow up being teased for her size. I wish I could just put Ella in this protective bubble where nothing could ever hurt her, and no one could ever say anything to her to hurt her feelings, but I can't do that, and she will never learn how to go through hard things.

So how does an over-protective, sensitive, cares what everybody thinks mom supposed to do? First of all, probably get over some of my own issues, but second of all, always make sure that Ella knows God made her special, and that she was fearfully and wonderfully made, no matter what people tell her, she's beautiful and just the way she should be. Now I want to cry just thinking about the future hurts my daughter will go through, not just with her own body image, but with life in general.

I guess that's why God's in the picture...how do people attempt to try and be a parent without the wisdom and strength and grace of our God? Its boggles me. One thing I do know, God has such an amazing plan for Ella's life, and he made her for a purpose. I need to trust that God will help me raise her in a way to help her discover that purpose, and to be confident in who she is in Christ.

Crying it Out

Recently, I have been reading quite a bit about crying it out, talking to friends that have done it with their children, and have been trying to figure out which way I would like to train Ella to sleep. I just read an article on babycenter.com (link below) and I think I know now I don't want to let her cry it out. Especially now at 4 months and the affects it has on her brain. In the beginning I decided I wanted to rock her to sleep for as long as I could, but she is fighting that, and its not really working much unless she is really tired, or sick. Well, let me rephrase that. She goes to sleep when rocked, but then wakes up the second we put her in her crib. Little Stinker!

All this to say, I am searching for the best way to teach my little lady bug to sleep. The way the is best for her, me and her dad. That's the beauty of being Ella's parents. We get to decide the way we want to do things based on what we feel is best for her. I love it and I love her.

http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/parenting-expert-claims-sleep-training-can-damage-your-babys-brain-really/

Getting in to the swing of things...

I recently had a friend ask me if I was starting to get the swing of things as a mom. It took me a minute to answer because I really had to think about what that meant. Did she mean, am I finally starting to feel normal after my hormones went all wacky? Or did she mean, am I getting the hang of this mom thing? And then I thought, well if I say no, would that mean I should have it all together, and I don't and need professional help? When I really thought about it, getting in to the swing of things probably looks different for every new mom. In no way are things back to normal, and I know they never will go back to normal, but what getting in to the swing of things looks like for me is...

~Being able to shower while Ella takes a nap in her crib. Timing it just right so as soon as she falls asleep, I've already rushed to the bathroom, got the water running, and have about 10 solid minutes to quickly shower and basically just get rid of the stench that has been accumulating on my body for the past two days, and wash the grease out of my hair.

~Getting house work done when she's awake. This is tricky because she is still learning how to sit up. Since her head has gotten a little flat since she started sleeping in her crib, I try to keep her on her belly or sitting up in her little chair. Today, I had less than a minute to switch the clothes from the washer to the dryer before Ella got tired of holding her rather heavy head up in her chair. I'm sure if you could see me doing housework I probably look like I'm either crazy, or trying to break some world reacord. For your information, I probably have broken some records...

~Getting out of the house. Now that is a chore in itself. I plan an outing hours ahead of time because I need to know how long we will be there, how many bottles I should pack for her, make sure she has an extra outfit if she should have a major blowout, pack a bib, restock her diaper bag with diapers, and make sure I get myself looking halfway decent, whether or not I've had a chance to shower or not. However, I love getting out and going over to a friend's house (usually we go see my good friend Regina and her 8 month old daughter Haddassah), meet a friend for coffee, or just go to Target and look around. I have found if I don't do this at least once a week, I start going a little coo-coo. Just ask Jesse, he can attest for my craziness when I don't get out.

~Spending time with Jesus...when I get a chance, but mostly my prayer life has increased since I've become a mom. I pray a lot, and God has actually worked through a lot of things with me since I've become a mom. The Mom Guilt has been the worse, but lately I've really felt a lot less quilty about things, thanks to God taking that from me, and have allowed God's grace to cover all of my short comings as a mom.

Ella will be 4 months old next week. I can't believe it. She has already moved to size 9 month clothing. She's growing a little too fast for me to keep up with, but I'm enjoyed every bit of it. I love her so very much and I'm so proud to be her mommy!! <3

Ella's sleeping in her crib!!

Here are some pictures from this week. Ella got to hang out with her cousins Sadie and Ruby (my brother's girls) and is now sticking out her tongue in a lot of the pictures I take of her. Im wondering if she's starting to teeth because she is also a drooling machine.

This week Ella started sleeping in her crib at night! I decided I was going to start putting her to sleep in her crib when she turned 3 months so I started this Monday. She had no problems, slept all through the night except for the 2 times she wakes up to eat. I had a harder time than she did! I cried the first night I put her in her crib. Jesse thought I was crazy, but if you are a mom reading this, you probably understand why I cried. For some reason it was sad to know she needed me just a little less than she did when she was born and I realized she was no longer this little infant. Jesse said I was going to be a wreck on her first day of kindergarten, and he is right, I will be!

Ella is so much fun right now, she smiles all the time and has definitely outgrown the fussy baby stage. She is holding her head up really well and is so close to figuring out how to grab things, right now its just my hair. Ouch!

Ella Rose is 3 Months Old!!

Here are some recent pictures of our sweet little lady bug!

Ella now weighs 15 pounds, is 24 inches long and will be 3 months old next Tuesday. She is cooing, smiling, and has recently learned how to make a fist. Most of the pictures we take of her now are of her smiling or looking like she's going to punch you. As far as motherhood goes, I have to say I am loving every bit of it, from changing the poop filled diapers to the late night feedings...I love it! I also am loving her more every day, which I didn't think was possible, but I am very thankful for. I've been praying a lot that God would grow the bond between us, and help me to just love her more each day, and He is definitely doing that. Speaking of God, I've also been finding I have been in desperate need to spend time with him each day. As I was talking with my mother in law about that, I realized it doesn't have to be time spent the way it used to be where I could sit down and read my Bible and journal for an hour...that just doesn't happen. However I have begun filling our house with worship music throughout the day, getting up early to journal and read my Bible when I can, and reading my devotional book to Ella when she's laying on the floor playing. God has also showed me how much grace he has for me being a new mom. Now I have to admit, I have taken advantage of that, but when I got to the point where I was no longer feeling any piece, getting so easily upset at everything, and just missing that time with Jesus, I had to find a new way to have a relationship with Him. And it has brought me so much joy!

Big Week for Ella Rose

This week was a big week for our little ladybug! She got her first round of shots for her 2 month appointment (Im a mean mom, I took a picture of her after she got the shots. She was not happy!), and she is going to be dedicated at church this Sunday, the same Sunday her dad gets to preach at church for the first time!

The picture above of her in the pink dress is the dress we went and picked out for her to wear at her baby dedication. That was very fun for me, and she looks so stinkin' cute I can't wait to show her off on Sunday!!

I have been going to church my entire life and seen many of baby dedications, and it never occurred to me the full meaning behind why parents do it. Well now I'm a parent, and I want to fully understand why we are dedicated our child to the Lord publicly, in front of all of our church family?

We are dedicating our baby to the Lord because we believe Ella is a gift from God, and in dedicating her to the Lord, we give God fully appreciation for the gift he has given us. We are also presenting her before God and His people (at Tacoma Foursquare Church) asking for grace and wisdom in carrying out our responsibilities. Our pastor Billy Sarno will pray over Ella also that one day she might come to know Jesus as her personal Savior.

So that is why we are dedicating her! I can't wait!

The Struggle

So last night, as I watched Ella struggle in pain from being constipated all day, I felt the guilt of my decision to formula feed come on strong, and keep me awake for most of the night. My decision to stop breast feeding was not from the usual reason, low milk production, it was just for the plain reason it hurt, and I was frustrated. The biggest reason was, I just didn't want to spend this time that was supposed to be a wonderful bonding experience, frustrated with my child for not moving her hands out of the way, or not latching on properly, or her falling asleep late at night when I'd like to quickly get back to sleep. Perhaps I made the wrong decision, and now I am putting my little girl in pain because of it.

I struggled thinking about this most of the night so of course I prayed, because I know God is not one who gives us these feelings of guilt, so I just needed guidance on what to do, and why I was feeling this way.

The only conclusion I came to was to start pumping again, and breast feeding when I could, then giving her what I was lacking with formula. Sure enough, today I breast feed her twice, and pumped twice and she pooped right away. The only thing is, my milk supply went from being very sufficient to being very sparse. I then thought I had made the decision to go back and breast feed along with formula too late...

All I know is, I'm doing the best I can with what I know is best for my daughter. Perhaps I made the right decision in the beginning and I just need to "stick with my guns" like my husband told me this morning. Whatever the outcome, I need to know that I'm doing my best, and God will take care of the rest! (I don't know if that saying fit totally in there, I just wanted to say it!)